Condescension: A Measured Response.

This post was originally meant as a response to a comment that I received on one of my previous posts, "Does Anyone Feel Like This as a Homosexual?" My response became too lengthy, so I've decided to post it here, separately.

Thank you for the input Michael. There was no condescension intended in my post, "Does Anyone Feel Like This as a Homosexual?" Although you might not be familiar with it, "unwashed masses" is a well known idiomatic expression. At first glance, it's definition may give the impression that there is intent to condescend, but the arrow is easily dodged by the reader, if he simply chooses not to see himself as one, among them. It's only offensive if the reader fails to disassociate himself from the pointy end of the phrase. My use of this idiom fit the particular thought I was trying to convey, and matches the style in which I write. Hackers, geeks, gays and intellectuals tend to be members of an isolated and esoteric class of people, which is just a more polite way of saying, 'outcasts.' We're used to being dismissed and marginalized by the majority of society. Sometimes this may come across in our writings as arrogance. It is not. I'm sorry if you took offense to the use of this particular idiom in my blog.

I don't write for anyone but myself. If others can get something out of what I write, good for them, but I'm not writing for any particular audience. If condescending to my readers was my intent, I wouldn't have the foggiest notion where to begin. I don't know who they are, I don't know them and I don't know what might offend them. So, unless they comment, I'm unable aim any barbs. With that said, I have no need or desire to prove myself to anyone. For evidence of this, please re-read the very last paragraph of the post, "Does Anyone Feel Like This as a Homosexual?"

As for seeming to be a 'know-it-all,' that's as much dependent upon the knowledge base of the reader (or lack thereof), as it is upon whatever knowledge the writer may possess or choose to express. For example, a college professor will have a very different perspective on a writer's offerings than will, say, a truck driver. I only write what I know, and if I'm unsure, I try my best to make that known; or better yet, refrain completely from writing about things I don't know about.

My point of view may be better served by conveying to you a story from my college years. I once took issue with one of my chemistry professors, because it seemed to me that he spoke in a high handed, condescending manner to his students. The first time I heard him speak as a guest lecturer to my class, I took an immediate dislike to him. He used phrases such as, "I shall wax wrath," and enunciated each word with an exquisite precision, known only in the mechanisms of fine Swiss watches. The way he spoke set my teeth on edge and probably would have made you livid. I loathed him.

A few semesters later, I took a class that this professor was offering, because I needed it for graduation. He was the only person teaching it that semester, so i grudgingly signed up. I didn't want to delay my graduation simply to avoid this professor. I remember the day I discovered I'd misjudged him. On that day, during a lab session, he became frustrated because he couldn't express an idea in a way I could understand. He began to stutter. The image of this is seared into memory. Here was this pretentious, Holier-Than-Thou man, unable to control his speech for several agonizing minutes. At that point, it was immediately clear what information I'd missed during my initial appraisal of him. He spoke in his very characteristic and deliberate way, not because he had a desire to condescend, but because he had no choice. He had developed his peculiar way of speaking, to overcome his terrible speech impediment! I was stunned and humbled. That day, I learned a very valuable lesson.

After realizing my error, this very same professor, who I'd prejudged and loathed for such a long time before getting to know him, turned out to be one of the most effective, engaging, kind hearted, and beloved teachers I've ever had the pleasure to learn from. He'd taught me more than Analytical Chemistry. He enriched my life experience.

A few years later, I befriended another person with an advanced vocabulary, but this time i was prepared to learn more about him before making the assumption that he though better of himself than he did others. I admired him for his skill and grace with the English language. Once I mentioned it to him. He responded in a very thoughtful and considered manner, which I shall paraphrase, "The English language belongs to each and every one of us. What a shame if you only marvel at it, but never make use of it to it's full advantage and potential." He couldn't have spoken truer words. Though I have no handicap of speech to overcome, I now do my best to improve my vocabulary and language skills, without being pretentious. I write no differently than I think. I only wish i was as skilled at expressing myself orally. It'll take much practice.

I know that you're familiar with this concept, Michael. Enrichment of vocabulary and encouraging its use in everyday language, is the sole purpose behind the "Erudite Vocabulary" module for the iPhone App, "smart.fm." I know you're not the type to niggle, so please know that I take no offense to your criticism. I appreciate the thought and effort that went into your comment. I hope that you appreciate my response in equal measure. Thanks again.

Does Anyone Feel Like This as a Homosexual?

(I sure as frak don't.)

I recently re-joined a gay-themed, forum-style .torrent website. I'll leave it to Wikipedia to explain to the unwashed masses just what a '.torrent' is, but I say rejoined, because the original site lost it's domain name and moved to a new address. In it's new incarnation, the site is a private, membership by invitation only affair. The moderators decided that, coincident with the address change, it was a good time to re-initiate everyone who wished to remain a member. Former members were issued an automatic re-invite by e-mail, and after the moderators verified a previous member's legitimacy, the requirements for initiation weren't difficult. One simply had to post a minimum of three entries to one of the many forums, either beginning a new thread or as a reply to an existing one.

I immediately set out to complete the first of my three required posts. I was browsing the threads, looking for something that would catch my eye, and inspire me to write something meaningful rather than simply satisfying compliance with the 3-post requirement. I ran across a thread entitled, Does anyone feel like this as a homosexual? It was basically a twenty-four item list of misfortunes, patterned after the following formula:

"I/we [suffered this specific misfortune/injustice] at the hands of myself/others because I/we [exhibit this particular homosexual/bisexual/transgender/queer stereotype/trait.]"

The following was my post to the thread.

Like many others responding to this thread, I found the content of the original post foreign to my experience. Maybe I have been lucky. Perhaps I was fortunate not to have been born with physical characteristics or to have adopted mannerisms which are typically associated with gay stereotypes. I don't consider myself particularly masculine on many levels, but neither do I perceive myself to be stereotypically gay either. I really don't fit into either world (if there really is such a thing as a 'Gay/Queer' world apart from the 'Straight' world) very comfortably, and I never have. Perhaps I was lucky to have fallen victim to a different type of abuse that masked or overrode any abuse I might have received as a homosexual while in high school. I was an intellectual. Notably, in high school I was not picked on for being gay, but for being smart, and for not being a jock, and for not being a stoner, and for a myriad of other reasons, but mostly because I was too small to do anything about any of it. Perhaps the abuse heaped on me for those other reasons spared me the notice that I was gay and the gay bashing that would likely have accompanied it.

I didn't know the definition of the word 'gay,' until I was well into college, let alone the concepts of bisexuality or queer. I simply had no exposure to any examples of homosexual, bisexual or queer people, either in the positive or negative connotation. I knew I was attracted to males when I was in grade school, but no more or less so than I was attracted to females. I never associated that attraction with any inner trait in particular. I'm not even sure I knew it was different from anyone else's experience.

I didn't date anyone until I went to college. Not even so much as asking a girl out to a high school dance or anything of the sort. I suppose I might have been identified as a queer as a result, but for some reason I wasn't. I dated girls in college, mostly because I was pursued by them, and because it was the only practice that I had any kind of example to emulate. I was probably spared being gay bashed because I didn't have any examples of gay stereotypes to emulate or flaunt.

I remember my first cognizant exposure to a real, live gay person, at the age of 22. I was fascinated. I was curious. I began to become aware of being different. I was proactive. I maneuvered myself into a position to become his friend and I wound up dating this person for over a year. He taught me many things. By my standards today, he was closeted and repressed. He was fairly obvious to anyone paying attention, but he wasn't officially out to any of his close friends, family or associates, though I'm sure they knew, as I did when I first laid eyes on him.

The past several paragraphs are background which might help explain the meat of what I intend to say here. Getting back to the core of this thread, I have gone through life without molestation resulting from my sexual orientation, however, there was plenty of abuse to go around, regardless of it's origin. People pick on you for being different, for not fitting in with their ignorant, limited idea of what constitutes normal. It's no more fair to be picked on or bashed for being an intellectual, or a nerd, or a geek, or a burnout, or an emo, than it is to be picked on or bashed for being a homosexual, bisexual or queer.

Finally, I've come to the entire point of this post. As an adult, I find no need to take abuse from anyone, for any reason. Simply, I choose my friends wisely and eliminate negative people from my life in rapid fashion. I have explained to friends and other interested parties, that I'm just far too selfish to care what other people think of the life I lead. Perhaps that particular characteristic makes me oblivious to abuse that is leveled at me at times. I just don't care enough to care. It's my life to live and I'm not living it for anyone else.