Condescension: A Measured Response.

This post was originally meant as a response to a comment that I received on one of my previous posts, "Does Anyone Feel Like This as a Homosexual?" My response became too lengthy, so I've decided to post it here, separately.

Thank you for the input Michael. There was no condescension intended in my post, "Does Anyone Feel Like This as a Homosexual?" Although you might not be familiar with it, "unwashed masses" is a well known idiomatic expression. At first glance, it's definition may give the impression that there is intent to condescend, but the arrow is easily dodged by the reader, if he simply chooses not to see himself as one, among them. It's only offensive if the reader fails to disassociate himself from the pointy end of the phrase. My use of this idiom fit the particular thought I was trying to convey, and matches the style in which I write. Hackers, geeks, gays and intellectuals tend to be members of an isolated and esoteric class of people, which is just a more polite way of saying, 'outcasts.' We're used to being dismissed and marginalized by the majority of society. Sometimes this may come across in our writings as arrogance. It is not. I'm sorry if you took offense to the use of this particular idiom in my blog.

I don't write for anyone but myself. If others can get something out of what I write, good for them, but I'm not writing for any particular audience. If condescending to my readers was my intent, I wouldn't have the foggiest notion where to begin. I don't know who they are, I don't know them and I don't know what might offend them. So, unless they comment, I'm unable aim any barbs. With that said, I have no need or desire to prove myself to anyone. For evidence of this, please re-read the very last paragraph of the post, "Does Anyone Feel Like This as a Homosexual?"

As for seeming to be a 'know-it-all,' that's as much dependent upon the knowledge base of the reader (or lack thereof), as it is upon whatever knowledge the writer may possess or choose to express. For example, a college professor will have a very different perspective on a writer's offerings than will, say, a truck driver. I only write what I know, and if I'm unsure, I try my best to make that known; or better yet, refrain completely from writing about things I don't know about.

My point of view may be better served by conveying to you a story from my college years. I once took issue with one of my chemistry professors, because it seemed to me that he spoke in a high handed, condescending manner to his students. The first time I heard him speak as a guest lecturer to my class, I took an immediate dislike to him. He used phrases such as, "I shall wax wrath," and enunciated each word with an exquisite precision, known only in the mechanisms of fine Swiss watches. The way he spoke set my teeth on edge and probably would have made you livid. I loathed him.

A few semesters later, I took a class that this professor was offering, because I needed it for graduation. He was the only person teaching it that semester, so i grudgingly signed up. I didn't want to delay my graduation simply to avoid this professor. I remember the day I discovered I'd misjudged him. On that day, during a lab session, he became frustrated because he couldn't express an idea in a way I could understand. He began to stutter. The image of this is seared into memory. Here was this pretentious, Holier-Than-Thou man, unable to control his speech for several agonizing minutes. At that point, it was immediately clear what information I'd missed during my initial appraisal of him. He spoke in his very characteristic and deliberate way, not because he had a desire to condescend, but because he had no choice. He had developed his peculiar way of speaking, to overcome his terrible speech impediment! I was stunned and humbled. That day, I learned a very valuable lesson.

After realizing my error, this very same professor, who I'd prejudged and loathed for such a long time before getting to know him, turned out to be one of the most effective, engaging, kind hearted, and beloved teachers I've ever had the pleasure to learn from. He'd taught me more than Analytical Chemistry. He enriched my life experience.

A few years later, I befriended another person with an advanced vocabulary, but this time i was prepared to learn more about him before making the assumption that he though better of himself than he did others. I admired him for his skill and grace with the English language. Once I mentioned it to him. He responded in a very thoughtful and considered manner, which I shall paraphrase, "The English language belongs to each and every one of us. What a shame if you only marvel at it, but never make use of it to it's full advantage and potential." He couldn't have spoken truer words. Though I have no handicap of speech to overcome, I now do my best to improve my vocabulary and language skills, without being pretentious. I write no differently than I think. I only wish i was as skilled at expressing myself orally. It'll take much practice.

I know that you're familiar with this concept, Michael. Enrichment of vocabulary and encouraging its use in everyday language, is the sole purpose behind the "Erudite Vocabulary" module for the iPhone App, "smart.fm." I know you're not the type to niggle, so please know that I take no offense to your criticism. I appreciate the thought and effort that went into your comment. I hope that you appreciate my response in equal measure. Thanks again.

Pondering Luna; A Limerick

I woke early to view NASA crash into Luna,
But before I could watch, CNN hatched a plot,
To deliver news, of the Nobel Peace Prize Lampoona.

Do PortableApps Hinder the Adoption of Linux (Mac OS)?

In the mid 1990's, I roomed with someone who worked for a large internet backbone corporation. Through my association with him, I was exposed to a lot of interesting computer tech. Most notably, he'd installed a distribution of Linux on his PC at a time when the only other operating systems I'd ever been exposed to were the ubiquitous OS authored by the Evil Empire, OS/2 by IBM, and UNIX proper (in the dial-up mainframe environment). I don't recall which distribution of Linux it was (if indeed I ever knew), but I was very intrigued by the X-windows GUI. At the time, it was the only alternative, windowed OS that I'd ever seen running on a PC other than OS/2.


Over the years (mostly well into the 2000's), I've waded ankle deep into offerings from the Open Source community, such as Mozilla Firefox, and Sun Microsystem's Open Office, during which time I didn't think much about Linux. I found these applications fully featured and functional, but more importantly, they were immediately familiar enough to facilitate migration from their ubiquitous competition. It was a good strategy for the Open Source community to make these applications available to people dependent on the Evil Empire OS, and not just for Linux. What better way to let large numbers of people have a taste of the fruits of the collaborative effort that is Open Source? Once I tasted the flesh of these Open Source applications, I never turned back to their costly commercial predecessors.


These first few tastes of freedom, forays out from under the thumb of the Empire, re-inspired me to seek out other Rebel Bases from which to fight it. I was pleased to discover alternatives to most (if not quite all) of the applications I used on a daily basis, offered through outlets such as SourceForge. The very nature of this Rebellion lead me to begin thinking about the Linux OS again. The desire to try Linux as a means to wean myself from my dependency was strong, but stories of difficult and tedious installations, missing or nonexistent device drivers, data incompatibility with the prevalent software applications and a lack of software development always stopped me dead in my tracks.


Then a miracle occurred. Mark Shuttleworth, the self made South African born millionaire, visionary behind the digital certificates and internet security which underlie Verisign, and more recently of International Space Station Tourist fame, embarked upon a project to introduce a low-cost (free), easy to obtain, easy to use computer operating system and software, to the people of his home continent of Africa. Thus was born Ubuntu (which in the Bantu languages of South Africa is an ethic or humanist philosophy focusing on people's allegiances and relations with each other). For the first time, there was a distribution of the Linux operating system that was both user friendly to install and practical to use. Although I was a tech geek since the first time I saw a Commodore PET computer in the school library of my middle school, it was incumbent upon a very close friend of mine to steer me toward Ubuntu.


I lapped up this new found Ubuntu Linux offering like a starving LOLcat does cheeseburgers. (I can haz Linux?) The interface was both familiar, yet satisfyingly un-Evil Empire-like. Unless by default, due to having grown up alongside the home computer and internet revolutions, I'm no IT tech historian. At the time I became acquainted with Ubuntu, it had already incorporated other Open Source offerings, such as Mozilla Firefox and Sun Microsystem's Open Office, into its fabric. Thus, right from the first boot of the Live CD, the Ubuntu experience was both gratifyingly simple, and familiar.


So why have I never installed Ubuntu on a computer that I use every day? That question is the meat of this blog post nut.


For me, the answer may not be obvious. It wasn't because I couldn't find alternative applications to replace the common commercial fare. It wasn't because device drivers in Ubuntu were lacking. Indeed, even while running Ubuntu from a Live CD, I can install a printer on the LAN network at work in the blink of an eye, where it requires an afternoon, proprietary printer software (much of it bloatware), and much pulling of hair, to do the same in the prevalent OS. It wasn't even the fact that the online role playing game I play at home can't be installed on an Ubuntu machine. I can't (in good conscience) play my game while I'm at work anyway. So what's the rub?


It leads back to the Open Source Community itself. Specifically, to the PortableApps concept. In 2006, that same close friend I mentioned earlier, introduced me for the first time to the PortableApps versions of Firefox and Open Office. In order to explain the significance of this, you have to understand what makes the PortableApp concept so very powerful. 'Portable' means just that. You can take it with you. It isn't installed and threaded into the OS. You can install a PortableApp on a flash drive, and when you remove the drive from the computer, nothing is left behind; no application, no drivers, no data. It ALL goes with the flash drive, comfortably residing in your pocket, purse, briefcase, or murse, until you plug the drive back into your computer, or any other computer for that matter!


The power of this method of doing business is profound in several ways. You don't ever have to install any programs on the potentially, multiple computers you use in your daily life. You can go down to the library with your flash drive, plug it in, and Voilà! All your applications are at your fingertips, ready to use, without modification for use on the particular computer you're using. If that isn't benefit enough, there's more. You'll never have to worry about erasing your bookmarks or browsing history after surfing the internet if you're using Firefox Portable. All of your private, personally identifying (or incriminating?) information is stored safely on the flash drive. It never finds it's way onto the hard drive of the computer you're using. So when you unplug the flash drive from the computer, it's as if you were never there. So with all of this new power, how does the PortableApps concept, born of the Open Source movement to free people from the Evil Empire, hinder migration over to Linux (or even Mac OS)?


It's a Catch-22 really. We who desire the power to thwart the Empire, have turned to Open Source applications to free ourselves from our shackles. In so doing, many of us have embraced the incredible power (Force, if you will) of the PortableApp concept to free us from our own computers as well! Now we no longer have to rely on multiple installations of the same exact software to migrate physically from one location to another, even if we don't own a laptop, notebook or netbook computer! We also no longer have to be (overly) concerned with protecting our private information and data from identity thieves, nosy children, ex-girlfriends or boyfriends, or even the occasional domestic servant. So with all of this power, we adopters of the PortableApp concept, have painted ourselves into a corner. PortableApps have ONLY been developed for the predominant Evil OS!


That's right. The Open Source Community has overlooked it alternative own! You can't take that same flash drive, on which you've stored all of your PortableApps (and data), and plug it into a Apple Mac. It won't work. Likewise, it won't work in the Ubuntu (or any other Linux) environment! What's worse, PortableApps haven't been ported to Linux, or Mac OS. So you can't even migrate to a version that WILL work on these alternative operating systems! Sure, there are versions of these Open Source programs that can be installed on Ubuntu or Mac OS, but they aren't portable. They are threaded into the computer, just like their counterparts in the Empire.


So we've been presented with a difficult quandary. In order to preserve our new found power, we alternative loving users of Open Source PortableApps have to give up the power of portability, to fully wean ourselves from Evil. Or, we must once again chain ourselves to the very machines that we long to escape, by continuing to run our Rebel software on computers that operate on the Evil OS! The blame for this mess lies squarely with the Open Source Movement. They have done their best to free us, but in their zeal for freedom, they have been blinded by their devotion to the alternatives. The world will never be free of Evil. Sometimes we'll be forced to use a machine that does the bidding of the Emperor, and we'll do so comfortable in the knowledge that we have a Rebel connection, but we will always be dependent on the existence of Evil until we can deliver the power of portability to our Rebel hardware.

Inertia \i-ˈnər-shə, -shē-ə\

It's been a month since I set up this account so I could blog, but I haven't posted anything. How does one begin blogging? I've had several ideas occur to me, but somehow, all of them seemed too specific to simply begin talking about them, cold turkey. I'm in need of some topic to begin the flow of ideas.

[At the time I wrote that first paragraph, it was true. Since then, I've edited to my satisfaction and published the first blog I ever composed. It appears before this one chronologically. I wound up going cold turkey after all.]

In other blogs, I've noticed that the first post is usually an introduction of sorts. Which begs the question, how much do I want people to know about me? The readers of this blog will fall into three general categories. Friends and relatives that I know intimately, acquaintances from the internet, and finally, random people who run across this in some way or another. I imagine that the last category of people will eventually be the majority. That is, if my posts appeal to people in general on some level. I'd expect my friends and relatives to read this even if it wasn't interesting.

[Everything prior to this point was written coincident with the date of publication. Everything subsequent, has been composed at a much later date.]

Looking back on what I wrote above, it's all still true, with the exception that I've now actually committed to publishing my original post. Over the eleven months it took me to work up the courage to go 'live,' my best approach to this problem of beginning the blogging process was to begin banging away at the keyboard whenever an idea occurred to me, worrying about hammering each one into some semblance of a coherent entry at a later date. As I came back to my ideas again and again, overtime they've developed into something usable. Or so I hope. I now have a number of unfinished thoughts maturing in the Blogspot composition ovens. I sense that many of them will emerge now that I've lost my blogger virginity.

The fact that Blogspot publishes posts with the date of each entry's very first keystroke, gives me much joy. It's a fact I didn't learn until I published my first blog entry. Preserved in that date is the exact moment of the birth of each idea as it has occurred to me over the past eleven months. It means that, unless I decide to state otherwise, or my few early followers are paying close attention to when things appear on my blog, nobody will ever know the actual date each item was published. If the thoughts expressed in each post are timeless and relevant enough, it shouldn't matter much.

Oh. Are you all still hoping that there will be some sort of introduction here? Well, with regard to beginnings, I've decided that introductions are among the most cold turkey of all methods available. I think you will all be better served by learning about me via the thoughts I express here, and I will be better served learning about all of you via your comments. Let the introductions begin!

Does Anyone Feel Like This as a Homosexual?

(I sure as frak don't.)

I recently re-joined a gay-themed, forum-style .torrent website. I'll leave it to Wikipedia to explain to the unwashed masses just what a '.torrent' is, but I say rejoined, because the original site lost it's domain name and moved to a new address. In it's new incarnation, the site is a private, membership by invitation only affair. The moderators decided that, coincident with the address change, it was a good time to re-initiate everyone who wished to remain a member. Former members were issued an automatic re-invite by e-mail, and after the moderators verified a previous member's legitimacy, the requirements for initiation weren't difficult. One simply had to post a minimum of three entries to one of the many forums, either beginning a new thread or as a reply to an existing one.

I immediately set out to complete the first of my three required posts. I was browsing the threads, looking for something that would catch my eye, and inspire me to write something meaningful rather than simply satisfying compliance with the 3-post requirement. I ran across a thread entitled, Does anyone feel like this as a homosexual? It was basically a twenty-four item list of misfortunes, patterned after the following formula:

"I/we [suffered this specific misfortune/injustice] at the hands of myself/others because I/we [exhibit this particular homosexual/bisexual/transgender/queer stereotype/trait.]"

The following was my post to the thread.

Like many others responding to this thread, I found the content of the original post foreign to my experience. Maybe I have been lucky. Perhaps I was fortunate not to have been born with physical characteristics or to have adopted mannerisms which are typically associated with gay stereotypes. I don't consider myself particularly masculine on many levels, but neither do I perceive myself to be stereotypically gay either. I really don't fit into either world (if there really is such a thing as a 'Gay/Queer' world apart from the 'Straight' world) very comfortably, and I never have. Perhaps I was lucky to have fallen victim to a different type of abuse that masked or overrode any abuse I might have received as a homosexual while in high school. I was an intellectual. Notably, in high school I was not picked on for being gay, but for being smart, and for not being a jock, and for not being a stoner, and for a myriad of other reasons, but mostly because I was too small to do anything about any of it. Perhaps the abuse heaped on me for those other reasons spared me the notice that I was gay and the gay bashing that would likely have accompanied it.

I didn't know the definition of the word 'gay,' until I was well into college, let alone the concepts of bisexuality or queer. I simply had no exposure to any examples of homosexual, bisexual or queer people, either in the positive or negative connotation. I knew I was attracted to males when I was in grade school, but no more or less so than I was attracted to females. I never associated that attraction with any inner trait in particular. I'm not even sure I knew it was different from anyone else's experience.

I didn't date anyone until I went to college. Not even so much as asking a girl out to a high school dance or anything of the sort. I suppose I might have been identified as a queer as a result, but for some reason I wasn't. I dated girls in college, mostly because I was pursued by them, and because it was the only practice that I had any kind of example to emulate. I was probably spared being gay bashed because I didn't have any examples of gay stereotypes to emulate or flaunt.

I remember my first cognizant exposure to a real, live gay person, at the age of 22. I was fascinated. I was curious. I began to become aware of being different. I was proactive. I maneuvered myself into a position to become his friend and I wound up dating this person for over a year. He taught me many things. By my standards today, he was closeted and repressed. He was fairly obvious to anyone paying attention, but he wasn't officially out to any of his close friends, family or associates, though I'm sure they knew, as I did when I first laid eyes on him.

The past several paragraphs are background which might help explain the meat of what I intend to say here. Getting back to the core of this thread, I have gone through life without molestation resulting from my sexual orientation, however, there was plenty of abuse to go around, regardless of it's origin. People pick on you for being different, for not fitting in with their ignorant, limited idea of what constitutes normal. It's no more fair to be picked on or bashed for being an intellectual, or a nerd, or a geek, or a burnout, or an emo, than it is to be picked on or bashed for being a homosexual, bisexual or queer.

Finally, I've come to the entire point of this post. As an adult, I find no need to take abuse from anyone, for any reason. Simply, I choose my friends wisely and eliminate negative people from my life in rapid fashion. I have explained to friends and other interested parties, that I'm just far too selfish to care what other people think of the life I lead. Perhaps that particular characteristic makes me oblivious to abuse that is leveled at me at times. I just don't care enough to care. It's my life to live and I'm not living it for anyone else.